Just as all Humans have a different physical DNA we all have a different emotional DNA and no two people are ever absolutely identical. We are born with various emotional responses that are triggered due to various events and experiences which take place during our lives. We learn how to respond emotionally at certain things for example, laugh at a joke and cry when we get hurt. However the most harmful of these emotional responses is anger. Anger is essentially an intense emotion that may be triggered when we feel insulted, ignored,deceived, frustrated and attacked. The emotional response is completely natural and, managed effectively, is a healthy way of channelling negativity in our body.However, anger can be extremely destructive when we it goes out of control. Often we will have no idea the extent of physical and emotional harm wemight cause to people when we allow anger to manifest in a manner we cannot control.When we allow our anger to take us over the end result is often shame, regret, sadness, or sometimes all of these.
What people with anger management issues do not realise is the only way to control it is not by suppressing it, but learning and understanding the core causes and triggers underlying our issues around anger.
Anger Management Issues are usually common among people who have experienced a turbulent and disturbing childhood. An adult who was physically or mentallyabused during childhood might be easily provoked to feelings of fear, frustration or depression. Wedevelop defense mechanisms we believe protect us from our memories and the pain associated with them. This often results in uncontrolled anger as we have convinced ourselves that it is a form of protection and allows the memories that lie behind it to stay suppressed. There is often the illusion that ferocious anger is a weapon we can use to protect ourselves from pain and project that fear onto another. Hence it is important for us to understand that projecting our anger ontoanother is doing no more than feeding the haunting memories which lie behind it.
Witnessing poor anger management.
A child will often adopt behaviour patterns of his parents, quite often, subconsciously and perhaps not in absolutely identical ways. A child’s experiences of parents constantly arguing and fighting can be played out in the child once he becomes an adult. The rationale of this can often be an illusionary belief that if we play it out ourselves we can achieve a different result, therefore healing our memories. This of course never happens in reality.
Learning to Express Emotions in a Negative Manner.
Some families indoctrinate in their children the need to appear ‘strong’ which means denying healthy emotions and fighting back if we feel insulted, offended or even not afforded the respect we believe we are due, including others not agreeing with our opinions and views. This results, possibly in the child, but certainly in the adultto createa pressure cooker environment where wehave learnt to relieve many emotions or day to day situations through projectinganger.
Another important cause for having anger management issues is a belief structure of low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence. Events that we will misinterpret as failures tend to trigger emotion of rage inside us. A need to feel superior to others is a way we have come to believemakes us feel acceptable.
Lack of Sleep.
If we already have issues surrounding how we manage our anger, any type of sleeping disorder or insufficient sleep will fuel our sense of irritation and vulnerability which our learnt defense mechanism will allow to manifest in anger. Sleeping disorders like insomnia are frequently found in people who have sudden outbursts of anger.
Low Frustration Tolerance.
We can all feel frustrated at times by the smallest of things, such as being stuck in a traffic jam, feeling hot, waiting in a queue and many others. Some of us will know how to manage these situations with tolerancebut if we have issues surrounding how we manage our angerwe can, almost as a default reaction respond to these situations with aggression.
Richard Gosling at Sustainable Empowerment in Hammersmith, West London has a vast experience in dealing with all issues surrounding anger management.